pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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