cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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