if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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