I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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