she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I wear drunk well.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
