He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I did not marry a roomba.
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