you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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