you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
