any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
