Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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