just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
