I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
