Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
