Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You ruined the universe
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
