She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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