You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
