He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
