i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
