dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
