We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
