my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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