I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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