I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
