she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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