umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
