Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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