He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
