I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
