She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
