What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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