I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
