Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
