She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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