Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
