while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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