drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
