...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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