During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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