alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want to fling myself into the sun
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
