Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
