remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
