I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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