i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
