Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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