so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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