Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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