pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
