"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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