All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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