its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
