I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize