Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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