I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is the high leading the old right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
