Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
