If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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