I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
