drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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