am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
