She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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