dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
