i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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