it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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