If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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