Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
