when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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