I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
