well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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