i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
