porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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