Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
