My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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