wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
