Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think my mom watched the whole time
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
