All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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