I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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