Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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