I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
