OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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