My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
