he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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