My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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