Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize